The thing is… Once I got ‘desensitised’ to porn, I just got more and more inclined to get out and get more of the real thing… It didn’t make me want to watch more gnarly shit, it made me want to find a girl with even more tenacity than I had when I really enjoyed porn (Obviously I was still keen on finding a woman).
And shit, when you do find them you realise why (even though I get where the twins are coming from) porn can NEVER give you what a woman can. The smell, the breathing, the feeling of soft body parts, the effort, the never-ending learning, the hair… The sexual experience is a hell of a lot more than just stroking something back and forth over your dick, it’s about the entire experience between man and woman.
I feel like the ones who say “girls who look pretty with no make up are the truly prettiest” are just as insulting as saying a girl without makeup doesn’t look as pretty. If a girl goes through the effort of applying makeup and makes an effort to look good, either for herself or for the man she’s seeing, then she deserves more praise than the ‘blessed’ girl who can get away with not wearing it.
Regardless, if she looks great & you manage to take her home, if you connected on an emotional level there’s never going to be that shallow “you wait til you see her without the make up in the morning”; she’s going to look great because the attraction has already gone past the superficial ‘shell’ of the person. - Obviously this is different if you’ve bedded a hoe just for a link-up and you have no emotional connection, just superficial friction between fragile skin areas. [To digress slightly, this is also where women go wrong when they’re shallow enough to care about penis size - you’ll only ever get the nice ‘tickle slip and slide friction’ feelings; never the deeper, emotional full-body experience orgasms/experiences.]
So in conclusion, yes in my opinion it’s nice when a girl wears some make up because it shows that she cares to look after herself and shows that she has feelings whereby she wants to make an effort to look nice when she sees you. But no I wouldn’t find a girl less attractive if I had emotional attachments to her, in that circumstance the girl can never look truly ugly, it only means that when she does make an effort she’ll appear even more attractive.
The problem with thinking positively all the time as a tactic to progress is you forget your mortality and failure will hit you hard just as death will.
Living as if you’re already dead is equally important to success and prepares you for loss whilst ensuring you’re always using your life in a way you would not regret retrospectively from death.
Accepting and appreciating that one day you will die can guide you with focus on your walk of true purpose.
Sometimes you get so caught up in trying to learn who you are that you actually go deeper into forgetting and start creating somebody completely new. Being human is never static/consistently fluid but there will always be that initial, true self buried somewhere underneath and will always come back to you when there’s a calling for the connection. Unfortunately its usually when you’re vulnerable in some way.
The ego, the mind, the theatrical self, the caricature, the ugly mug, the front, the facade, the act; it’s a defence mechanism but it’s another tool to keep you comfortable. You have to attack it whilst simultaneously exceeding boundaries and forcing out of comfort zones so that you have the experience to be your true self, in the eye of how you’d see yourself with the freedom, courage and experience to be so.
Just remember on your journey to being this person never to get comfortable, never to let emotions sway you from your course of your true genius. Otherwise you’re just becoming another character again, not your true, grounded self.
Your point is that you should ALWAYS BE IMPROVING based on the experiences you’ve had in the past, there’s no excuse for declining. As you say, the fact is these people have and always will be weak character’s because they use excuses rather than change to improve.
The thing is about this post is these issues are things nobody gives a fuck about, especially as an artist. No real artist wrote this, only an amateur. Going on stage and performing is a joke, it’s just another drunk (or drugged) laugh that you can enjoy regardless of the outcome. Every artist has much bigger problems, either externally or internally, than stage fright, stage fright is for people who lack experience in fear, sadness & value for expression of emotions. All things no true artist lacks.
The ‘mainstream’ is only governed by those who choose to watch. The fact that things considered higher-conscious thinking is not mainstream is not because it’s not widely available, it’s free to watch or read free of charge on ridiculously easy to use platforms, in an array of different methods of learning.
A lot of people choose not to grow, they’re scared and limited by their fears. Some people just don’t have what it takes. I don’t know whether that’s unfortunate or not, I can only imagine a world where all people are equal in both status, strength and intelligence. Is it really possible to have a tribe/pack/pride/civilisation full of alpha’s, or are beta’s/omega’s equally important to the balance of existence?
The way I feel it. If I reach the level of success I aim to. People will ask me how I got there. I’ll give them the sources I used to reach that point, I’m tell them the quote “do not following in the footsteps of the wise, seek what they sought”, I’ll tell them actions speak louder than words. But the problem is; only 10% will listen to what I recommend, only 10% of that 10% will act upon what they learn. This is why humanity will not evolve quickly. The Romans should have dominated the world when they had the chance, all I’m saying.
Now that I realise my mortality i know life is no more serious than the gamble of a bet. How much control do you really have over your longevity in this body?
Truth! I hit a stage of enlightenment when I realised that when I think too hard about shit it only narrows my ‘vision’ of the bigger picture. If I let it go over and over in my mind or if I try and figure out every little detail about something, or really strategise a way to plan something for the future, or if I have a worry or a target I’ve got to get sorted out I only throw myself deeper down a hole of internal dialogue. I lose sight of ’the now’, what’s happening right now around me, how serious the issue is right now. More importantly, you don’t realise what the ‘thinking’ is doing to your health right now. My cortisol levels sky rocket, my stomach ties in knots, I become weaker, I become less sharp-minded. Alternatively, now if I have something serious to think about, I don’t think, I do the opposite and meditate. Usually a simple one-phrase ‘answer’ presents itself to me, because I’ve not focused in on my thoughts and allowed myself to feel part of the bigger picture.
Although last week I had a day off work, I still feel like I’m working too much. My time management is wrong & I’m starting to feel even more detached from my job, the elements of things I don’t like about it are really tilting the scales compared to those I do.
The job itself I don’t mind to be fair, it’s the amount of time it takes out of my life where I could be doing so much more, so many progressive things for my life, my only life!
I know this is how life is for the majority of people. You go to work, do your 8 hours of the day, bare your teeth through it, the rest of the time is yours. Fuck… That’s not enough time. I’ve got to train to look after my physical needs. I’ve got to make music to look after my need to fulfil my purpose & my creative needs. I’ve got to socialise to look after my emotional needs. I’ve got to meditate to look after my psychological needs. And they’re not even mentioning the various other skills I like to learn and sharpen, or gathering information to strengthen my knowledge & character.
Maybe I’m just bitter I’m not as successful as I wanted to be at this stage of my life. Caught in the game, doesn’t matter how much determination or how much I try I’m still only snail pacing closer to the life I want to be living.
I’ve been reading a lot of psychological, intense & contemplative literature recently. I hadn’t noticed but spending too much time focusing (not even on one specific thing) has slowly gnawed my mind into a form of overdrive. I watched my thoughts & realised I’m constantly thinking again. Not just obsessively over specific things (which has been present), but just whenever my mind has a chance to rest I’ve forced it to think about something. I managed to get over this with meditation and watching thoughts previously but have slipped badly into an ‘overdrive’ state.
You don’t notice that things as simple as letting your brain run without being aware of it can push you into a state approaching stress.
I will again start to simplify, relax and exist. These are the cycles, they can’t always be peak.
My plan for now is to read some more fiction, to give my brain a break from the literal and academic. I’m going to start meditating for a short period again every evening and start giving myself at least an evening a week dedicated just to music.
I also need to start finding a sanctuary. Somewhere I can be on my own, be healthy, make music, practice meditation & train.
Being lazy is following habits. Being lazy is not overcoming the voice inside that tells you that there is another time other than right now. Being lazy is not becoming the character you wish to become because it’s more comfortable to ignore your calling. Being lazy is being given things to learn about and start experiencing because you’ve been blessed with an opportunity to change path but you choose to ignore it because you make excuses.
If you’re lazy then you’re still a friend to me. I’ve tried my best to encourage you not to be but that’s just the way you are. If you don’t understand how to override your psyche to become more than you currently are and evolve your consciousness then you are no less a person than me, then as long as you’re happy that is all that matters.
Are you happy right now?
Because we’re constantly feeding our mind information and stimulus, the mind is becoming accustomed to being constantly stimulated by something, so when it comes time to step away from stimulus and enjoy the environment we’re in, or even sleep, we can’t because we’re buzzing and clucking for more things to keep our mind occupied.
So many of us listen to our minds 24/7 because we believe our mind to be all of us, we believe it will look out for us and we believe that it will never steer us wrong or into trouble. This is wrong. Our mind is our cruise control, it keeps us plodding along in our comfort zones and without conscious effort it will never stroll out of that. The problem is, the mind is not our engine, it is not our steering wheel. It is just a selection of conditioned thoughts, paradigms and habits created over time. We need to be the steering wheel and direct the entire unit itself to our destination, not allow the cruise control to drive us into a brick wall.
We don’t need an overload of information to be happy or progress. It’s essential to wind down from stimulus daily to remind ourselves of this. We never really lose or gain anything by meditating, it’s just a state of being nothing but ourselves in the present moment for a selected amount of time. It’s amazing how clear this period of time can make you feel and how it can direct you into a more productive path.
Do you ever get insomnia where you close your eyes and your mind just wants to be fed more? You crave information or something to keep you awake. You’re charged. Your eyes move rapidly, you think about everything and your ears are ultra sensitive. Decharge by meditating. Spend 10 to 20 minutes focusing on nothing other than your breathing or a centre point then gently move your attention to unconsciousness. Sit in an upright grounded position and let your nerves desensitise so you become a separate entity from your body. Tell your mind there is no further need for input today and that it’s time to digest. You will go through various states: buzzing, restless, in-tune, calm, mindful, focused, visual. - All in no order and no set amount of times, but it’s still meditation. It all works!
I think that a trait of mine which can equally be considered a flaw as well as a positive is the paradox of wanting to be the best I can be (which is a limitless pursuit). This is a paradox because you positively try to push for better things but in doing so it’s extremely difficult to maintain appreciation for who you are now, you’re equally weakening your self-belief & groundedness because you never feel satisfied with yourself chasing an endless pursuit.
Here is where I’ve found meditation helpful. It reconnects me with my grounded being and provides the clarity for me to hone in on the positive aspects naturally in everyday state. It prevents me from burning out and allows me the time needed away from the underlaying debris of thought in my subconscious. It’s crazy, when I meditate regularly; even my dreams change. (But that’s for another blog.)