The way I feel it. If I reach the level of success I aim to. People will ask me how I got there. I’ll give them the sources I used to reach that point, I’m tell them the quote “do not following in the footsteps of the wise, seek what they sought”, I’ll tell them actions speak louder than words. But the problem is; only 10% will listen to what I recommend, only 10% of that 10% will act upon what they learn. This is why humanity will not evolve quickly. The Romans should have dominated the world when they had the chance, all I’m saying.
Now that I realise my mortality i know life is no more serious than the gamble of a bet. How much control do you really have over your longevity in this body?
Truth! I hit a stage of enlightenment when I realised that when I think too hard about shit it only narrows my ‘vision’ of the bigger picture. If I let it go over and over in my mind or if I try and figure out every little detail about something, or really strategise a way to plan something for the future, or if I have a worry or a target I’ve got to get sorted out I only throw myself deeper down a hole of internal dialogue. I lose sight of ’the now’, what’s happening right now around me, how serious the issue is right now. More importantly, you don’t realise what the ‘thinking’ is doing to your health right now. My cortisol levels sky rocket, my stomach ties in knots, I become weaker, I become less sharp-minded. Alternatively, now if I have something serious to think about, I don’t think, I do the opposite and meditate. Usually a simple one-phrase ‘answer’ presents itself to me, because I’ve not focused in on my thoughts and allowed myself to feel part of the bigger picture.
Although last week I had a day off work, I still feel like I’m working too much. My time management is wrong & I’m starting to feel even more detached from my job, the elements of things I don’t like about it are really tilting the scales compared to those I do.
The job itself I don’t mind to be fair, it’s the amount of time it takes out of my life where I could be doing so much more, so many progressive things for my life, my only life!
I know this is how life is for the majority of people. You go to work, do your 8 hours of the day, bare your teeth through it, the rest of the time is yours. Fuck… That’s not enough time. I’ve got to train to look after my physical needs. I’ve got to make music to look after my need to fulfil my purpose & my creative needs. I’ve got to socialise to look after my emotional needs. I’ve got to meditate to look after my psychological needs. And they’re not even mentioning the various other skills I like to learn and sharpen, or gathering information to strengthen my knowledge & character.
Maybe I’m just bitter I’m not as successful as I wanted to be at this stage of my life. Caught in the game, doesn’t matter how much determination or how much I try I’m still only snail pacing closer to the life I want to be living.
I’ve been reading a lot of psychological, intense & contemplative literature recently. I hadn’t noticed but spending too much time focusing (not even on one specific thing) has slowly gnawed my mind into a form of overdrive. I watched my thoughts & realised I’m constantly thinking again. Not just obsessively over specific things (which has been present), but just whenever my mind has a chance to rest I’ve forced it to think about something. I managed to get over this with meditation and watching thoughts previously but have slipped badly into an ‘overdrive’ state.
You don’t notice that things as simple as letting your brain run without being aware of it can push you into a state approaching stress.
I will again start to simplify, relax and exist. These are the cycles, they can’t always be peak.
My plan for now is to read some more fiction, to give my brain a break from the literal and academic. I’m going to start meditating for a short period again every evening and start giving myself at least an evening a week dedicated just to music.
I also need to start finding a sanctuary. Somewhere I can be on my own, be healthy, make music, practice meditation & train.
Being lazy is following habits. Being lazy is not overcoming the voice inside that tells you that there is another time other than right now. Being lazy is not becoming the character you wish to become because it’s more comfortable to ignore your calling. Being lazy is being given things to learn about and start experiencing because you’ve been blessed with an opportunity to change path but you choose to ignore it because you make excuses.
If you’re lazy then you’re still a friend to me. I’ve tried my best to encourage you not to be but that’s just the way you are. If you don’t understand how to override your psyche to become more than you currently are and evolve your consciousness then you are no less a person than me, then as long as you’re happy that is all that matters.
Are you happy right now?
Because we’re constantly feeding our mind information and stimulus, the mind is becoming accustomed to being constantly stimulated by something, so when it comes time to step away from stimulus and enjoy the environment we’re in, or even sleep, we can’t because we’re buzzing and clucking for more things to keep our mind occupied.
So many of us listen to our minds 24/7 because we believe our mind to be all of us, we believe it will look out for us and we believe that it will never steer us wrong or into trouble. This is wrong. Our mind is our cruise control, it keeps us plodding along in our comfort zones and without conscious effort it will never stroll out of that. The problem is, the mind is not our engine, it is not our steering wheel. It is just a selection of conditioned thoughts, paradigms and habits created over time. We need to be the steering wheel and direct the entire unit itself to our destination, not allow the cruise control to drive us into a brick wall.
We don’t need an overload of information to be happy or progress. It’s essential to wind down from stimulus daily to remind ourselves of this. We never really lose or gain anything by meditating, it’s just a state of being nothing but ourselves in the present moment for a selected amount of time. It’s amazing how clear this period of time can make you feel and how it can direct you into a more productive path.
Do you ever get insomnia where you close your eyes and your mind just wants to be fed more? You crave information or something to keep you awake. You’re charged. Your eyes move rapidly, you think about everything and your ears are ultra sensitive. Decharge by meditating. Spend 10 to 20 minutes focusing on nothing other than your breathing or a centre point then gently move your attention to unconsciousness. Sit in an upright grounded position and let your nerves desensitise so you become a separate entity from your body. Tell your mind there is no further need for input today and that it’s time to digest. You will go through various states: buzzing, restless, in-tune, calm, mindful, focused, visual. - All in no order and no set amount of times, but it’s still meditation. It all works!
I think that a trait of mine which can equally be considered a flaw as well as a positive is the paradox of wanting to be the best I can be (which is a limitless pursuit). This is a paradox because you positively try to push for better things but in doing so it’s extremely difficult to maintain appreciation for who you are now, you’re equally weakening your self-belief & groundedness because you never feel satisfied with yourself chasing an endless pursuit.
Here is where I’ve found meditation helpful. It reconnects me with my grounded being and provides the clarity for me to hone in on the positive aspects naturally in everyday state. It prevents me from burning out and allows me the time needed away from the underlaying debris of thought in my subconscious. It’s crazy, when I meditate regularly; even my dreams change. (But that’s for another blog.)
I just hate celebrity culture as a whole. It brainwashes people into thinking things should be a certain way which is completely unrealistic. It’s porn culture without the sex, like porn is sex without the emotional connection of lovemaking.
You don’t want to be a psycho on cue anyway. The difference between us lately is that I’ve focused too much on trying to be naturally expressive, when I am naturally expressive now anyway so if there’s any sort of motive behind it, it becomes narcissistic in a way that appears too aggressive.
When I was hitting much better with my game late last year and earlier this year I was still cocky, confident and banterful but I was more focused on sensuality, passion and emotional waves when the openings arose. So I used the banter to open and then progressed through with that into more mature or sexy conversation and touching. I was more aware of the responses I was getting and using them to my advantage, lately I’ve just been oblivious to that and got lost in the high you can get from bouncing around social interactions. But that was never my intention, the whole point of these social interactions were to meet new women in as honest, sociable version of myself as possible.
That’s what you’ve been doing, you’ve hammered approaches when you’re drinking because you’re self-confident when you approach, there’s nothing you can do wrong as long as you ride the emotions and keep the interaction going and not get thrown off by their tests etc.
A lot of girls are going through some fucked up post-feminist time now where they think their ‘payback’ to men is to talk about only accepting big dicks in their lives and their dominance and independence “because all men talk about big tits and use derogatory terms against women”. But they have no need to feel inadequate or rejected in general. There will always be good men out there as well as bad, the same as with women. But don’t let society dictate to you who you should be falling for (sensually, sexually, love or lust). It’s your decision and your body to have a good time with.
All that’s happening by women taking an aggressive, strong, dominant and revengeful approach to their personality is that they’re becoming more masculine which fucks up the balance. They’re coming from a place of hate for the opposite sex and then wonder why they end up not working with certain guys, or in a more cliche text: attract negative guys.
Just like with most energies in this world, polar opposites attract or repel. There has to be a negative and positive, there has to be a more tender and emotional person in a relationship and a more dominant and logical person. This is not to say there should be a more dominant and ‘obedient’, there should always be equal power, but it’s only human for a man to want to provide for and protect their woman and it’s only human for a woman to want to cherish, support and be cared for.
If a lady doesn’t want to be that way inclined, that’s fine. But don’t expect to be happy in a relationship with a man who is also dominant and decisive, strong and hands-on. In this circumstance, the only way your relationship is truly going to work is if the man is more feminine than yourself: more emotional, more dependant, more needing etc.
just because we’re attracted to the opposite sex and they confuse us definitely does not mean we need to be resilient to them. It seems this is what internet and media culture teaches us we’re supposed to do, but NO NO NO the way forward is as it’s always been: experiment, accept, enjoy, feel, be free with one another.
We’re all fools to each other for not just accepting each other the way we are. Be chill. Enjoy each other’s company and everything else becomes pleasurable.
If you just accept and be happy for people who are egotistical or over-confident and not see them as a threat to your ego or identity then you’ll probably find those people exciting to be around, if you let the self-esteem, confidence & high energies wash over you then you will feel a lot better than somebody who fights the perceived threat and turns it into a negative.
A lot of fuck ups in this world come from people listening to their ego’s telling them something is offensive or threatening to their identity. Identity isn’t real, it can’t be hurt. Even other people’s perceptions of you don’t exist if you don’t allow them to. The only things that are real are what you allow to be.
Next time somebody is being what you consider a jerk in the sense of over-confidence take a step back and ask why you feel that way. Is it on a societal level, so they’re expressing themselves out of the normally excepted spectrum and is that really so bad (if they’re not aggressive in nature)?
Is it your own ego telling you it’s being threatened? - in my experience if you don’t allow yourself to be threatened when your ego feels it; that can prevent escalation to aggression or hostility because it keeps people in a higher state but in a positive manner. Higher state shared with another creates a bigger field of higher energy to draw from.
It’s a discipline, to be aware of (and a lot of the time overriding) that voice in your head. It’s a massive protection mechanism to keep you comfortable, and comfortable in civilisation is not being happy or healthy. Don’t be a programmed slave to your brainwashed consciousness. Take back control of your mind and learn to override your conditioned autopilot.
I have always been the person who avoids this at all costs. I’ve seen it as mind pollution brainwashing society to act like fucking soulless, tunnel-visioned morons. But just went downstairs and it was on and thought why I take myself and everything else so seriously sometimes? If I’m truly to be free from societal norms then I need to allow my mind the freedom to not take things seriously; and also to rise above the bullshit that sometimes is spurted out that is detrimental to my preferred paradigms.
As an extreme example, it’s about becoming that guy who has a gun to his head backed by a frantic lunatic and you can just shrug your shoulders, careless of whether it happens or not and when the perpetrator realises your lack of raised energy it instantly calms them down.
As a less extreme example, it’s about becoming the guy who can take all kinds of abuse from a girl they’re with, her saying some real dark shit and smashing things up; and you just shake your head look her in the eyes and appreciate her emotions whatever they are and have the clarity of mind to handle the situation.
It’s about not letting shit outside your own energy effect you in any way.
"I go beyond the fears and limitations of other people" - Elliott Hulse
"Other peoples opinions of me are none of my business." - Unknown
Coming back to Celebrity Juice - when I did watch it tonight, I found a lot of it funny. This reminded me that I need to sometimes spend time watching things that are comedic and take a break from the serious self-progressive stuff I’m usually well into and just take some time to laugh and be silly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a stiff… 80% of my day is made up of banter and if people aren’t into it then they usually don’t stick around my presence long. I love to have a laugh and people know me that way, but there’s always room to elevate that state when rooted deep into my character is a driven, focused and self-improving virtue.
I’m not even trying to make a funny programme deep here, or compromising with myself for enjoying it. I’ve just realised that it’ll benefit my character to be comfortable enough that watching/listening to/participating in something will not be enough to change my character, virtues and purpose. Once you get the foundation of those things down anything you do will only help you improve your being.
I can’t keep up with my ego’s lust for the taste of adrenaline and intense social stimulus, or what I thought was a higher state; it’s very mentally draining. Sustained artificial high then a massive crash to recuperate. Emotional roller coaster. Going out to try and find a reason not to anymore. Calm down. Alcohol eliminates virtuous character. Lose a sense of self, purpose and directional focus. Peaked too early and my egotistical cruise control kicked in. If there’s elements of regret it can’t be healthy.