Sometimes you set yourself to a task, you commit and everything just falls into place. You’re on a winning streak with your projects or objectives, you feel at the top of your game and your energy levels are soaring. I’ve seen it mentioned as a few different terms, memorable ones are:
- "the state"
- "the now"
But I’ve (and so does Kanye) always called it ‘the zone’. When you’re in the zone, you’re immortal. Nobody can stop you, all of your senses are heightened, your mind is clear, you’re creative, you’re free, you’re quick, you’re full of energy.
This morning it dawned on me, we should aim to always be living in the zone. This is the key to success, with everything!
Too often I head fuck myself and don’t trust myself to do the things that I am good at. I lower my own self-esteem as a result of [over]thinking. I question myself if I can still do things if I haven’t done them for an amount of time, so I get obsessive and compulsive about practicing. This is something I do in everything in my life. I lose trust and confidence in my own abilities.
Why do I do this? It’s a result of years of mind conditioning for defence and comfort, until the past year I’ve never known the skill of witnessing my own thoughts in a mindful and analytic way. Whenever I’ve considered my thoughts in the past I’ve thought about them, spiralling into more thoughts and more considerations. A clouded mind full of thoughts (which aren’t even real), there’s no room for clarity, no room for spontaneous thoughts to occur.
When you allow your mind this space I’m talking about, by spending time NOT thinking [meditating], you naturally somehow occasionally get thoughts pop up which wouldn’t have occurred if you were in an escalator of non-stop thought.
"The mind then gives form to the creative impulse or insight. Even the great scientists have reported that their creative breakthroughs came at a time of mental quitetude." - Eckhart Tolle
But this clarity and mind space doesn’t only happen when you meditate. Meditation is practice of obtaining this clarity by focusing on nothing but the present moment, letting your thoughts be and then letting them leave by witnessing them. When you start practicing doing this on a regular basis you start to bring the techniques into everyday life.
'The zone' is coming from a state of mind without thoughts interrupting your flow and fluidity. You can succeed, be creative and be physically expressive without hindrance because your thoughts are not there to tell you not to or that you're not good enough to.
I’m now going to start focusing on living in the zone as much as possible.
- I’m going to trust myself that I can do the things I’m good at.
- I’m going to start practicing being brutally positive about myself. I have no reason to have a low self esteem, I’m confident so shouldn’t let my mind have these periods where I stop believing in myself and let my thoughts control me.
- I’m going to continue practicing meditation to ensure I’m giving my mind room to be quiet and clear.
- I’m going to continue practicing all the things I enjoy and am good at so that I’m always staying on top of my game.
- I’m going to continue looking after my health and aiming towards a stronger & more powerful body. It’s important I remain strict about health choices & training so that I don’t give myself an excuse to let my mind tell me I’m being lazy and becoming less than my potential..
I was recently having a discussion about getting tracks finished. I’ve now realised a lot of it for me is leaving it looping all night and doing other shit. My mind trances out to the repetitiveness & it starts imagining melodies etc that aren’t there and that’s how I progress with the track… I just add those sounds in at different parts of the structure, take bits out here and there and then make mid sections where I can really go nuts with longer melodies rather than just loops.
I always get what Owen is saying when he talks about this “attractiveness/abundance” thing, but sometimes I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t coincide with the people who are in amazing relationships where it did happen ‘organically’ (without psychological analysis or technique) & they didn’t put themselves back into ‘abundance’ by spending sensual time with other people. This bit always stumps me, although I am mindful it’s a bit of a romanticised scenario my head is making up.
Sometimes my idea of the game is that sometimes the analysis is less needed than you think it is when you’re trying to make pickup artists’ advice seem logical. As I’m finding throughout my entire life lately, maybe thinking so logically all the time is more damaging than good. Being comfortable and self-amusing in all situations is about letting go of the inner dialogue, overthinking, planning and just being in the moment, being in the present. This is what Owen is saying but in a more scenario-based context. It’s about getting away from those ideas of what you want from women, what your mind tells you this woman is, or how much you’ve connected with this woman. It’s more about being mindful of not letting your mind spiral off into romanticisations & fantasies so that you can just let things be without getting too attached [to the outcome].
It’s another example where 'enjoy the journey, for the destination is an end' is applicable.
Over-analysis can be left to the pick up artists who want to teach others. A lot of the game is just experience & time, as is most of life. Enjoy time with women, don’t get too attached & when you’re experienced enough you’ll fall into the right relationship.
Should I let experiences harden my defences against emotions? I don’t know if I should try to disconnect from emotions in order to grow. So often we’re told that bottling up emotions or ignoring them is not the answer, but I’ve seen men fail and weaken and their paradigm and actions change as a result of their emotions.
As an example, I have a never-ending battle with the ‘romance’ in melancholia. I feel it is a key component to my artistic nature, I feel it is a key component to my sensual nature and my personality. I feel like without this sad side to romance it’s just not as heartfelt. I listen to a lot of melancholic, soulful music. I don’t ever want to change that, I’m a sucker for that shit.
But when I couple this ‘hopeless romantic’ fantasy with real life it can be quite damaging. Although it’s quite refreshing to feel sad sometimes, I don’t want to go through life having really passionate infatuations that always end & leave me lonely again so that I can make art about it. I want to eventually find my girl and settle down and be happy, drawing on only past experiences, the odd inevitable sad time & external views of other peoples experiences & feelings.
Sometimes we need to detach from our personality to go deeper into our personality. That sounds a bit like inception but what I’m trying to outline is that you’re always subconsciously aware of who you are and who you want to be, so conscious changes to live or think differently will not damage your core virtues or personality, you’re never really changing yourself; just disciplining your weaknesses more & changing bad habits as you learn they’re damaging to you. Being emotionally vulnerable is not something I generally am (although I have my times being so, which as I said is all down to my passionate nature & longing for romance), so I am going to learn to not let it dictate my actions & feelings outside of controlled environments. I want to start channelling my more vulnerable energy into something I’d only let express itself pissed up listening to loud music, locked away in the studio, or occasionally with a girl I could trust. I don’t want to be sharing loose emotions where I’ve headfucked myself in weak moments and I’m not being myself. I know I’m a strong person & if I want to be strong for a girl as well as myself then I need to be more in control of how my emotions dictate my actions. A girl already has a pussy, she doesn’t need two.
Essentially I’m working towards being a more passionate man, less emotional.
As a slight counter-argument, part of me believes it’s moments of weakness that makes you battle to be stronger because without that weakness you’d have no desire to heal and get stronger. That weakness may be looked at as your driving force, what gives you strength, what gives you purpose. It’s balance again.
This is only a reflection of thoughts, not a conviction to myself that “I’m not going to let myself feel any emotion any longer, I need to be strong & cold.” It’s just different ways of looking at how sometimes I’ve been out of character due to emotional clouding of my thought process & how I can think about staying true to myself in such circumstances.
I recently had a conversation with a female friend about finding a ‘sticking partner’(I know, it’s like asking a fish about fishing!). We were discussing how younger girls are ‘less mature’ and after a time period of messing around with ‘bad guys’ they eventually seek out a more secure partner. But she also made a point to say that age gaps are relevant because once that girl has found that ‘settled down’ mindset, a slightly older guy might be more ideal for her.
This made me contemplate some of the things I’ve learnt about maturity. I think maturity is an overrated concept. It’s just people knowing more about themselves as time goes on, experience and wisdom coupled with a suppression set on people by society. As you reach your mid-twenties your prefrontal cortex (logical brain) becomes more active, whilst your limbic system (emotional driven brain) takes a back seat. This is why a lot of 27 year old rock stars lose faith and have breakdowns and kill themselves, because they become ‘too mature’, lose their immediate sense of creativity and appreciation for external beauty. When you reach this sort of age you have to start practicing being more emotional and detached from your mind, you have to work up to having fun & getting excited - it’s not quite so easy to be in 'that zone' straight away. I think this is especially true for men, because being stuck in your head and boring is not attractive to women, women being a key element to one of the primary needs for most men.
I also read sometime that girls age quicker and feel more inclined to settle before they feel ‘expired’ and their beauty starts to decline. Men have less of a problem with this, we don’t have set expiry dates, we can keep going as long as we can keep a stiffy!
So, later in life if single, I could be enjoying a flux of girls getting scared they’re going to lose out before they start aging and because I look younger than I am but would have the experience and 'maturity' of somebody older, I could be onto a winner.
Do we think this track is actually her not feeling confident she’s going to commit to her infatuation (or who’s infatuated with her), or do we think the song is a bit ironic and she has actually fallen for this guy and doesn’t want to let herself commit incase of the consequences (a la 10cc - I’m Not In Love)?
Need to get out of the internet. The internet is like Big Brother slowly numbing our brains into humans that don’t rely upon themselves to think and live. We’re becoming minds and people much easier to control. We’re having our OWNLIFE taken away to waste it away thinking we’re learning and becoming higher beings, when really away from the screens we’re losing our memories, our sight, our bodies, our health.
It’s a digital age of souls being numbed & sedated because we’re becoming more separated from nature & humanity. Which is why we walk around in a daze, ignoring any wrong going on in the world; it just doesn’t feel real enough to intervene. - Our morals and heroism is sucked out of us.
Our bodies are degenerating whilst we sit all day, too lazy even to grow/gather/cook real food. We’re getting fat and our spines are twisted up into duck butt, forward shouldered useless mongs. How are we going to protect ourselves physically? It was only 100 or so years ago that we were ALL physically fit. Now we’re becoming shaped like human chairs.
Our emotions are being forced to attempt to express through 140 character on a keyboard. We can’t cry, we can’t laugh in hilarity, we can’t scream and throw ourselves around to loosen all of the tension in our depressed bodies. Instead we bitch and moan whilst reserving the true reason why. Our characters are being weakened as our ability to express is squashed into singular pictures and tweets.
If you’re feeling fatigued, tense, like crying, like shouting, like smashing things up, like shaking your body out in a mad rage, like the entire world is pressed into your chest and everything within you is being tied up into a little ball somewhere in your body and all you can do is attempt to breathe, like you’re depressed. Then you need to EXPRESS all of that that you’re holding within you. Get away from this life of trying to live through a keyboard and remember that you’re only given so long in this world, don’t waste it in a pretend world compressed into a 19” monitor.
Often, my art is the result of trying to make love to multiple souls to spite the one soul that I want to show love back but doesn’t. The build up of hate, love & sexual energy I encounter in this acidic rampage has to find an abstract way to release & express this frustration. My art is the child of this expression.
I’m majorly inspired at the moment, even to the point that I’m not worried that I’m not spending as much time in the studio as I like. It’s so strong I’m confident as soon as I get in the chair shit just flows. My head has been in a bit of a spin lately, but it’s spun a yarn of artistic subconscious psychedelia that’s just flooding out like my soul is bleeding a spunk of expressive life. Feel like a true artist at the moment.
That final conversation they had was the best one and it’s one I’m dealing with in my self assessment every day. I’m an artist [primarily] - I make music. That’s my focus. Yet, I’m also a martial artist, which shares equal focus. The problem is, I have a constant battle in my head between being the artist and being the martial artist. I want to express myself in two completely different ways. One side of me wants to be, for lack of better words, melancholic; I WANT to be ‘in the clouds’ very sub-conscious dominant, emotional, to an extent reckless, drunk, adventurous, spontaneous… Then the other half of me wants to be regimented, strict, healthy, strong; equally as much.
It’s hard doing as Bruce Lee says, and these guys are discussing, expressing yourself as an artist healthily (or at least in the area of art I express) without using your body itself as the expression… When the sub-conscious dominant, non-athletic art’s at work there’s a tendency to move towards a less healthy state of mind and body to encourage the soul to cry.
This is the balance I’m working on.
Everybody in this house, likely this whole neighbourhood, I’m tempted to say whole town is off their pickle except me. And I don’t want to be off my pickle. I just wanted a few strong ciders, have a shower and then pass out so that I can get up early tomorrow, go to the gym and then work, because some of us fools have to work at the weekends.
I’m bored of seeing the same fucking shit, I’m trying to push forward so that I can venture new places and enjoy new company, not to say I dislike my current company but I’m longing for a bit of change and want some more class in my life.
I’m strong willed so it’d be harder for me to not try to succeed than it would to give it my entire effort, but sometimes there is a slight temptation to say it’s easy to see how some people digress into doing fuck all all the time. It seems so easy and when lack of aspiration is surrounding you. It’s hard to be somebody who doesn’t want to stoop to those levels. Everything is disciplining my character at the moment.
Another example is that I have given up gluten & lactose and I went to the shop after work (after the pub, where I got searched on the door at 6pm and then offered a pint in a plastic cup of which I told them I wasn’t interested and left) really fancying a ‘treat’ to pull me through to a bit more of a relaxed mind state and they had no dark chocolate or gluten/lactose free goodies. So I just thought “no I’m not going to have the shit food” and just got my ciders for the evening and came home. I come in and see 3 packets of biscuits and a pack of pringles on the table. I battled through and made my dinner. I was still feeling groggy and a bit peed off about an hour later so I gave in and had a couple of biscuits knowing full-well I’d have a dodgy stomach later or tomorrow.
Then I get a lecture from my Mum about random shit. Partly being told I need to start looking to settle down so they can have grandchildren. I repeatedly try to explain that I really want this, I’d love to have a girl and a littlen, but I have these aspirations and commitments that I don’t want to stop for the sake of a relationship, when in a functional relationship I could still fulfil them. But that’s not the point, I know I need to meet a girl and sort that sort of stuff out afterwards. I just don’t really know how to do it to be honest, so I’m trying to make myself the best person I can be so that hopefully the right girl might approach me and we’ll just click. If not then I guess I’ll have to some videos on how to attract women in the conventional, egotistic, seemingly unintelligent and blase ways. I want a lady & eventually child, maybe (naturally) more than anything else. But I don’t want to change myself to do so, it sort of defeats the object.
I’m just surrounded by challenges of society to conform to being a fat, lazy, worthless piece of shit who doesn’t look after themselves, or a coke & steroid head who’s got no imagination. But I refuse to do it, it’s not what I’m about.
I’ve tried to write this as if it is something that can be shown to people who are experiencing bullying as a way of encouraging them to conquer the bullies, rather than as if I was a parent or teacher giving advise to another as to how bullying can be stopped - something I have no experience of yet.
I’m not somebody who has studied bullying or was ever somebody with a lot of experience in being bullied but I want to express my opinion on it using whatever experience I have and can remember of any times I felt I might have been what is considered bullied.
A possible solution to help solve the problems of bullying could be to ensure that children are taught from a young age to stand up for themselves (in what they believe in and in a physical manner).
I think the main reasons people are targeted for bullying are:
Because they’re physically inferior (or less developed) when compared to others their age.
Because they’re less strong charactered and less likely to stand up for themselves if they were to be targeted.
Because they’re a stand-out different from the norm, the current fashion or society as a whole.
When I was younger (probably since the first time I complained that I’d had some sort of physical confrontation with another person) my parents always said not to start confrontations but be sure to stand up for yourself if attacked. I completely condone this advice and very much believe in the concept that if somebody is trying to harm you then you have the right and should do whatever you can to stop the assailant in their tracks to the point where you can avoid any more harm coming to you. I will be teaching my future children to never let anybody try and bully them, teach them the basics of self defence and even encourage them to learn a martial art.
In the wrong circumstance in any area of life (such as facing a violent criminal or other opponent you cannot ‘control’ in a greater sense) you’re not given the option as to whether or not the threat should be allowed. It’s a threat, and a threat that only yourself can deal with at the particular time, and maybe the most important thing to keep in your mind at the time, as you should not rely on others to help you. Bullies should be considered threats and are clever in the sense they will pick times they wish to attack you, therefore you should not listen to those who tell you to not retaliate and report bullying (it should be done, but don’t let that stop you defending yourself first).
Now, I’m not being ignorant to the fact that bullying isn’t always physical, it’s often words. What needs to be remembered, as hard as it sounds - is it’s just loose words. Tell them to say it to your face whilst looking you in the eye, and if they do - warn them sincerely that if it continues then you’ll smash them in the mouth; learn a few things to say to people that intimidates them or makes them think twice about attacking you.
There’s two ways of doing this:
First is to actually become combatant. Take up a sport which involves contact such as rugby or boxing so that you’re physically prepared to fight. - More specifically, take up a martial art.
Or - you can develop a side of your personality, an act if you like, who is hard and a borderline bully him/herself. The important thing is to remember is this act is not needed when you’re not under threat, think of them as your war paint that you only put on when you’re under attack. Try to learn some aggressive lines from the bullies themselves so you’re speaking their language or watch a few gangster movies and adopt the expressions (I use gangsters as an example because they’re an example of bullies in every age of modern society and also often a source of [bad] influence for the bully-type, so they’ll see you as something they relate to. They’re also seldom physically fit but still know some dirty fighting tactics.)
From standing up to their insults they’re either going to attack you (which might hurt, but you’re equally capable and entitled to hurt them back which makes the pain a bit more bearable) or carry on talking, of which you can laugh off and walk away from because they don’t have the bottle to follow it up and everybody who’s seen the bullying (it’s usually egotistical and they want people to see) will now see that they’re not willing to back their words up. If it does come to a physical attack hit them to hurt them (there’s usually a ring leader and his cronies, if the cronies get involved go for them too but they’re usually too shocked so you can get away without attacking them), don’t think twice about it and don’t stop until you can get away and then report what happened. If it turns out you’re to blame, at least you’re not getting a beating on your own without doing anything to protect yourself and hopefully taught a bully it’s not wise to bully you.
If you get the better of somebody bullying you in public then hopefully it should make others think twice about trying to bully you in the future. Problem is, there’s always those who want to test your patience and try to draw you into a bad place where you’d be the one to blame. You need to learn how to be a good person with morals and temperament, but somebody who will not hesitate to defend those morals.
The times when I feel I experienced anything close to bullying in my life was when I was purposely doing things out of the norm or fashion of the time (such as dressing in black metal fashion when the fashion of the time was bright pink Lacoste polos and blue tracksuit bottoms). I never changed my beliefs, fashion, hobbies or interests as a result of it not being popular or people finding me weird. What I did was; over time stuck to my guns telling people I liked something because I could and if they had a problem then f**k them. I found a good set of friends who were (and still are) loyal and reliable so that I was rarely on my own and an easy target and I learnt to appreciate and understand things that other people like so that I could relate to and enjoy an array of different interests and friends. You don’t have to be the same as everybody to be socially accepted, what you have to be is willing to do is have an open mind to try to experience what other people enjoy and if it doesn’t work for you, people won’t disrespect you because you proved that you tried enjoying it and it wasn’t for you. If they don’t respect you then they’re people that you shouldn’t be spending any time with and if you can’t avoid them then it should be clear that you don’t appreciate their disrespect and that you will stand up for yourself if they pursue any confrontation. Stay out of their way, or if you can’t and they insist on attacking you in any way, respect yourself, morals and beliefs enough to defend yourself.
You should never feel bad about being a respectful and considerate person, practise this all the time. Even respect a bully enough to walk away from a fight if you get the better of them. Just remember you equally shouldn’t feel bad about defending yourself, in every way.
Disclaimer: If somebody who is being bullied has referenced this in their defence for defending themselves from being bullied and you want to blame me then you’re probably a coward confined to a stupid system which gives you false security and doesn’t protect you, yourself. Are you a teacher? Can you imagine being surrounded by a group of late-teen students who are threatening to attack you physically whilst you’re on your way to your car on your own and nobody is around? Fight or flight response. Do you take the beating and report it later, if you live? Or do you do what you can to defend yourself and get away? Don’t let these systems blind you of the fact you have one life and you have the right to protect it, regardless of what the paper says.
Obviously I don’t condone Charles Manson’s psychology, to be honest I’ve only just started researching into what he was about. But I just found a weird coincidence that so much of what he was saying in this interview is exactly the same as I watched in this interview with Will Smith later regarding positive thinking…
Will Smith Interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUlPVCbKCOo&list=WL75FB4FFED48630E7
As they all are, it’s been a year of lessons based on experiences. The lesson that rings most loudly to me are to avoid toxic people and those that pollute my mind with negative thoughts.
Next lesson is always to have a goal (or set of goals) to focus on & proceed to complete them.
It’s true what they say about experiences making you wise. Unfortunately this year has contained a few to many poor decisions on my behalf, so, although there’s been some bloody good times, it’s been quite stressful on a subconscious level. But on a positive note I’ve also made some good decisions that will hopefully follow me for the rest of my life.
In 2013 I’d like to lose the fear. The fear is of other people being able to ruin my plans out of spite, envy, ego, lack of understanding or plain psychopathy. I want to lose the subconscious stress of having to defend myself from the limitations of other people & proceed to express myself honestly. 2013 will be a year of searching for & facing my inner demons whilst strengthening my character & body. My plan is for this continued focus of bettering myself to lead to confident independence & all the great things that comes with that, and from there enough security in myself to truly devote myself to a lady. - For the sake of my ego (I still haven’t quite conquered getting over the need to stop defining myself), I’m not unconfident in myself or afraid to take risks or challenges, and I appreciate levels of fear will always be there & are good when used as a positive drive. I just want to be sure others do not effect my decisions.
I have my goals for 2013 & won’t be sharing them publicly directly. As the year progresses & the dedication to my goals proves strong you’ll likely see what my goals were. So it is goodbye to the bad stuff in 2012, thank you for the lessons & good times - I will carry those into the new year. Hello to 2013, I hope you don’t mind me bringing a bit of useful luggage from 2012 & I’d like to compliment how green your grass looks.