[Possibly To Be Edited - First Draft]
I just think it’s a dangerous game doing things because everybody else is doing it, or because somebody has told you to do it, or because you feel you ‘have’ to do it, or because it tries to promote a feeling of guilt if you don’t do it, etc. etc.
Let’s not mention the amount of clean water being wasted that is probably at such a shocking rate now half of Africa could be happy for a month.
I’m not doubting it’s fun, I’m not slating the people who have done it because it’s fun. What’s shocking is the amount of people who feel the need to do it because they don’t know how to have fun without being given step-by-step instructions, who crave an awakening of their central nervous system but don’t realise it’s actually about getting off your arse and doing something rather than pouring cold water over yourself, or people who only give to charity when it’s rewarded with a ‘fun treat’.
I’m not going to lie, I rarely give to charities, I don’t trust them. In fact, I’m generally a pretty stingy, eye-turning person all round. But deep down I know I have a conscience and also a very strong sense of humility, righteousness and courage to help those in need when presented. We all just hope we have the decency, resources & bottle to help those in need, I think donating money is a bit of a cop-out to truly help when you can (I don’t mean giving money to places abroad etc as such or to charities that fund research - I’m more saying people will look at it as a fulfilled itch; “Oh I should have helped that man… Damn. Well, I don’t need to feel too bad, I did give money to charity earlier, I’ve done my deed for the day”)
Just to summarise, my dig is not so much at the cause, marketing scheme or charity here; more at a lot of the weak characters that have succumbed to partaking in them.
The thing is about this post is these issues are things nobody gives a fuck about, especially as an artist. No real artist wrote this, only an amateur. Going on stage and performing is a joke, it’s just another drunk (or drugged) laugh that you can enjoy regardless of the outcome. Every artist has much bigger problems, either externally or internally, than stage fright, stage fright is for people who lack experience in fear, sadness & value for expression of emotions. All things no true artist lacks.
Truth! I hit a stage of enlightenment when I realised that when I think too hard about shit it only narrows my ‘vision’ of the bigger picture. If I let it go over and over in my mind or if I try and figure out every little detail about something, or really strategise a way to plan something for the future, or if I have a worry or a target I’ve got to get sorted out I only throw myself deeper down a hole of internal dialogue. I lose sight of ’the now’, what’s happening right now around me, how serious the issue is right now. More importantly, you don’t realise what the ‘thinking’ is doing to your health right now. My cortisol levels sky rocket, my stomach ties in knots, I become weaker, I become less sharp-minded. Alternatively, now if I have something serious to think about, I don’t think, I do the opposite and meditate. Usually a simple one-phrase ‘answer’ presents itself to me, because I’ve not focused in on my thoughts and allowed myself to feel part of the bigger picture.
Because we’re constantly feeding our mind information and stimulus, the mind is becoming accustomed to being constantly stimulated by something, so when it comes time to step away from stimulus and enjoy the environment we’re in, or even sleep, we can’t because we’re buzzing and clucking for more things to keep our mind occupied.
So many of us listen to our minds 24/7 because we believe our mind to be all of us, we believe it will look out for us and we believe that it will never steer us wrong or into trouble. This is wrong. Our mind is our cruise control, it keeps us plodding along in our comfort zones and without conscious effort it will never stroll out of that. The problem is, the mind is not our engine, it is not our steering wheel. It is just a selection of conditioned thoughts, paradigms and habits created over time. We need to be the steering wheel and direct the entire unit itself to our destination, not allow the cruise control to drive us into a brick wall.
We don’t need an overload of information to be happy or progress. It’s essential to wind down from stimulus daily to remind ourselves of this. We never really lose or gain anything by meditating, it’s just a state of being nothing but ourselves in the present moment for a selected amount of time. It’s amazing how clear this period of time can make you feel and how it can direct you into a more productive path.
Do you ever get insomnia where you close your eyes and your mind just wants to be fed more? You crave information or something to keep you awake. You’re charged. Your eyes move rapidly, you think about everything and your ears are ultra sensitive. Decharge by meditating. Spend 10 to 20 minutes focusing on nothing other than your breathing or a centre point then gently move your attention to unconsciousness. Sit in an upright grounded position and let your nerves desensitise so you become a separate entity from your body. Tell your mind there is no further need for input today and that it’s time to digest. You will go through various states: buzzing, restless, in-tune, calm, mindful, focused, visual. - All in no order and no set amount of times, but it’s still meditation. It all works!
I think that a trait of mine which can equally be considered a flaw as well as a positive is the paradox of wanting to be the best I can be (which is a limitless pursuit). This is a paradox because you positively try to push for better things but in doing so it’s extremely difficult to maintain appreciation for who you are now, you’re equally weakening your self-belief & groundedness because you never feel satisfied with yourself chasing an endless pursuit.
Here is where I’ve found meditation helpful. It reconnects me with my grounded being and provides the clarity for me to hone in on the positive aspects naturally in everyday state. It prevents me from burning out and allows me the time needed away from the underlaying debris of thought in my subconscious. It’s crazy, when I meditate regularly; even my dreams change. (But that’s for another blog.)
“One day you may catch yourself smiling at the voice in your head, as you would smile at the antics of a child. This means that you no longer take the content of your mind all that seriously, as your sense of self does not depend on it.” - Eckhart Tolle
Relating enlightenment to psychopathy. Sometimes I feel that to feel free from ego feels like freeing from all control.
I just hate celebrity culture as a whole. It brainwashes people into thinking things should be a certain way which is completely unrealistic. It’s porn culture without the sex, like porn is sex without the emotional connection of lovemaking.
A lot of girls are going through some fucked up post-feminist time now where they think their ‘payback’ to men is to talk about only accepting big dicks in their lives and their dominance and independence “because all men talk about big tits and use derogatory terms against women”. But they have no need to feel inadequate or rejected in general. There will always be good men out there as well as bad, the same as with women. But don’t let society dictate to you who you should be falling for (sensually, sexually, love or lust). It’s your decision and your body to have a good time with.
All that’s happening by women taking an aggressive, strong, dominant and revengeful approach to their personality is that they’re becoming more masculine which fucks up the balance. They’re coming from a place of hate for the opposite sex and then wonder why they end up not working with certain guys, or in a more cliche text: attract negative guys.
Just like with most energies in this world, polar opposites attract or repel. There has to be a negative and positive, there has to be a more tender and emotional person in a relationship and a more dominant and logical person. This is not to say there should be a more dominant and ‘obedient’, there should always be equal power, but it’s only human for a man to want to provide for and protect their woman and it’s only human for a woman to want to cherish, support and be cared for.
If a lady doesn’t want to be that way inclined, that’s fine. But don’t expect to be happy in a relationship with a man who is also dominant and decisive, strong and hands-on. In this circumstance, the only way your relationship is truly going to work is if the man is more feminine than yourself: more emotional, more dependant, more needing etc.
just because we’re attracted to the opposite sex and they confuse us definitely does not mean we need to be resilient to them. It seems this is what internet and media culture teaches us we’re supposed to do, but NO NO NO the way forward is as it’s always been: experiment, accept, enjoy, feel, be free with one another.
We’re all fools to each other for not just accepting each other the way we are. Be chill. Enjoy each other’s company and everything else becomes pleasurable.
If you just accept and be happy for people who are egotistical or over-confident and not see them as a threat to your ego or identity then you’ll probably find those people exciting to be around, if you let the self-esteem, confidence & high energies wash over you then you will feel a lot better than somebody who fights the perceived threat and turns it into a negative.
A lot of fuck ups in this world come from people listening to their ego’s telling them something is offensive or threatening to their identity. Identity isn’t real, it can’t be hurt. Even other people’s perceptions of you don’t exist if you don’t allow them to. The only things that are real are what you allow to be.
Next time somebody is being what you consider a jerk in the sense of over-confidence take a step back and ask why you feel that way. Is it on a societal level, so they’re expressing themselves out of the normally excepted spectrum and is that really so bad (if they’re not aggressive in nature)?
Is it your own ego telling you it’s being threatened? - in my experience if you don’t allow yourself to be threatened when your ego feels it; that can prevent escalation to aggression or hostility because it keeps people in a higher state but in a positive manner. Higher state shared with another creates a bigger field of higher energy to draw from.
It’s a discipline, to be aware of (and a lot of the time overriding) that voice in your head. It’s a massive protection mechanism to keep you comfortable, and comfortable in civilisation is not being happy or healthy. Don’t be a programmed slave to your brainwashed consciousness. Take back control of your mind and learn to override your conditioned autopilot.
I have always been the person who avoids this at all costs. I’ve seen it as mind pollution brainwashing society to act like fucking soulless, tunnel-visioned morons. But just went downstairs and it was on and thought why I take myself and everything else so seriously sometimes? If I’m truly to be free from societal norms then I need to allow my mind the freedom to not take things seriously; and also to rise above the bullshit that sometimes is spurted out that is detrimental to my preferred paradigms.
As an extreme example, it’s about becoming that guy who has a gun to his head backed by a frantic lunatic and you can just shrug your shoulders, careless of whether it happens or not and when the perpetrator realises your lack of raised energy it instantly calms them down.
As a less extreme example, it’s about becoming the guy who can take all kinds of abuse from a girl they’re with, her saying some real dark shit and smashing things up; and you just shake your head look her in the eyes and appreciate her emotions whatever they are and have the clarity of mind to handle the situation.
It’s about not letting shit outside your own energy effect you in any way.
"I go beyond the fears and limitations of other people" - Elliott Hulse
"Other peoples opinions of me are none of my business." - Unknown
Coming back to Celebrity Juice - when I did watch it tonight, I found a lot of it funny. This reminded me that I need to sometimes spend time watching things that are comedic and take a break from the serious self-progressive stuff I’m usually well into and just take some time to laugh and be silly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a stiff… 80% of my day is made up of banter and if people aren’t into it then they usually don’t stick around my presence long. I love to have a laugh and people know me that way, but there’s always room to elevate that state when rooted deep into my character is a driven, focused and self-improving virtue.
I’m not even trying to make a funny programme deep here, or compromising with myself for enjoying it. I’ve just realised that it’ll benefit my character to be comfortable enough that watching/listening to/participating in something will not be enough to change my character, virtues and purpose. Once you get the foundation of those things down anything you do will only help you improve your being.
I can’t keep up with my ego’s lust for the taste of adrenaline and intense social stimulus, or what I thought was a higher state; it’s very mentally draining. Sustained artificial high then a massive crash to recuperate. Emotional roller coaster. Going out to try and find a reason not to anymore. Calm down. Alcohol eliminates virtuous character. Lose a sense of self, purpose and directional focus. Peaked too early and my egotistical cruise control kicked in. If there’s elements of regret it can’t be healthy.
Sometimes you set yourself to a task, you commit and everything just falls into place. You’re on a winning streak with your projects or objectives, you feel at the top of your game and your energy levels are soaring. I’ve seen it mentioned as a few different terms, memorable ones are:
- "the state"
- "the now"
But I’ve (and so does Kanye) always called it ‘the zone’. When you’re in the zone, you’re immortal. Nobody can stop you, all of your senses are heightened, your mind is clear, you’re creative, you’re free, you’re quick, you’re full of energy.
This morning it dawned on me, we should aim to always be living in the zone. This is the key to success, with everything!
Too often I head fuck myself and don’t trust myself to do the things that I am good at. I lower my own self-esteem as a result of [over]thinking. I question myself if I can still do things if I haven’t done them for an amount of time, so I get obsessive and compulsive about practicing. This is something I do in everything in my life. I lose trust and confidence in my own abilities.
Why do I do this? It’s a result of years of mind conditioning for defence and comfort, until the past year I’ve never known the skill of witnessing my own thoughts in a mindful and analytic way. Whenever I’ve considered my thoughts in the past I’ve thought about them, spiralling into more thoughts and more considerations. A clouded mind full of thoughts (which aren’t even real), there’s no room for clarity, no room for spontaneous thoughts to occur.
When you allow your mind this space I’m talking about, by spending time NOT thinking [meditating], you naturally somehow occasionally get thoughts pop up which wouldn’t have occurred if you were in an escalator of non-stop thought.
"The mind then gives form to the creative impulse or insight. Even the great scientists have reported that their creative breakthroughs came at a time of mental quitetude." - Eckhart Tolle
But this clarity and mind space doesn’t only happen when you meditate. Meditation is practice of obtaining this clarity by focusing on nothing but the present moment, letting your thoughts be and then letting them leave by witnessing them. When you start practicing doing this on a regular basis you start to bring the techniques into everyday life.
'The zone' is coming from a state of mind without thoughts interrupting your flow and fluidity. You can succeed, be creative and be physically expressive without hindrance because your thoughts are not there to tell you not to or that you're not good enough to.
I’m now going to start focusing on living in the zone as much as possible.
- I’m going to trust myself that I can do the things I’m good at.
- I’m going to start practicing being brutally positive about myself. I have no reason to have a low self esteem, I’m confident so shouldn’t let my mind have these periods where I stop believing in myself and let my thoughts control me.
- I’m going to continue practicing meditation to ensure I’m giving my mind room to be quiet and clear.
- I’m going to continue practicing all the things I enjoy and am good at so that I’m always staying on top of my game.
- I’m going to continue looking after my health and aiming towards a stronger & more powerful body. It’s important I remain strict about health choices & training so that I don’t give myself an excuse to let my mind tell me I’m being lazy and becoming less than my potential..
I was recently having a discussion about getting tracks finished. I’ve now realised a lot of it for me is leaving it looping all night and doing other shit. My mind trances out to the repetitiveness & it starts imagining melodies etc that aren’t there and that’s how I progress with the track… I just add those sounds in at different parts of the structure, take bits out here and there and then make mid sections where I can really go nuts with longer melodies rather than just loops.