Email To A Pal: Psycho On Cue

You don’t want to be a psycho on cue anyway. The difference between us lately is that I’ve focused too much on trying to be naturally expressive, when I am naturally expressive now anyway so if there’s any sort of motive behind it, it becomes narcissistic in a way that appears too aggressive. 

When I was hitting much better with my game late last year and earlier this year I was still cocky, confident and banterful but I was more focused on sensuality, passion and emotional waves when the openings arose. So I used the banter to open and then progressed through with that into more mature or sexy conversation and touching. I was more aware of the responses I was getting and using them to my advantage, lately I’ve just been oblivious to that and got lost in the high you can get from bouncing around social interactions. But that was never my intention, the whole point of these social interactions were to meet new women in as honest, sociable version of myself as possible.


That’s what you’ve been doing, you’ve hammered approaches when you’re drinking because you’re self-confident when you approach, there’s nothing you can do wrong as long as you ride the emotions and keep the interaction going and not get thrown off by their tests etc.

Elliott Hulse on how being more simplistic will result in more happiness. Strip away the materialism and focus on what your soul is telling you that you want. And the way I’m portraying this personally is this: you can still enjoy the materialistic and tangible things, you don’t have to turn your computer off and read books from a candle if you don’t want to. Just make sure that shit isn’t controlling your life when there’s some sort of itch to be doing something else. Learn how to hear yourself and what you’re telling yourself you need. I look at life as if I’m on a written path and it’s down to my choices whether or not I reach where I’m headed, it’s why I’m with Elliott when he talks about his concepts of being the strongest version of yourself. For me, being the strongest version of myself is insuring I’m guiding my life back to a place of that stripped back happiness, where I can do what the fuck I want to do without any burdens what-so-ever.

Personality Assessments

The more I read into psychology & mental illnesses, the more it feels like everybody I know has a mental illness of some sort.

I think about speaking to one person I know about another and another about another & about what everybody thinks about everybody else & the way they judge.

It starts to dawn on me when I see the patterns in peoples personalities that what they’re doing when judging or questioning others is exposing their own weaknesses. A lot of manipulation takes place for self-benefit, a lot of slander for raise in ones own self-esteem.

Manipulation of many sorts seem to be firmly lodged in human nature, especially in the society I live & was raised in. I question my trust for others, because even if they believe I’m their friend, they’re still subconsciously trying to bring me down to try to raise themselves.

That’s paranoia. But I know it is & I know that I can’t think like that, that’s what keeps me from being truly paranoid. I clench to the knowledge that there are personalities & cultures in this world that aren’t egotistical & narcissist & will help others even if not themselves. And I can take this belief & share it with others so that they can ponder it consciously & hopefully absorb it into their subconscious, so deep down they’re becoming better people.

Or maybe I’m just a martyr thinking I’m helping others but somehow benefiting myself? Either way, I can’t study my own mind too hard or I’ll find its demons.

Two Things That Annoy Me About The Paradigm Of Most People I Know
  1. Don’t moan about your life being boring if you don’t do new things, even if they present themselves to you.
  2. You don’t have to drink loads or take drugs on a night out to have a good time.
Fed Up

I initially wrote this out stating a list of things I am fed up with but got to the  point in the following & remembered that I’m too oppressed (& brainwashed into thinking that I have to pent all of my feelings) to actually have the balls to flip out and tell the world & the people in it that they’re fucked up and that I don’t comprehend their stupid little socially trained minds and how they can just accept the way things are even if the only sense they make is bullshit. So excuse me for cutting the majority of my rant down to the last part it was initially intended to be, but I just don’t feel to share today.

"…I’m fed up of not talking about the way I feel because I feel like nobody cares or that other people have worse problems than I do. I’m fed up of not achieving the level of success people putting less emotion, feeling and effort into their vocation are reaching. I’m starting to feel old whilst looking at my idols’ early years of success and just feel like I’m failing and that I will never grasp the dream I’ve been battling so hard for for years regardless of how hard I work."


A Mundane Rant About Women.
The love game to many women works like the concept of marketing. A product [or fella] is judged on the basis of how popular it already is, or will become more popular if it has already been owned by somebody with more social status. This may be the reason there is such an abundance of girls appearing stupid by dating men who have already let down numerous amounts of other girls.
I’ve read other explanations for the same issues such as the excitement of the chase and the need for the feel of achievement when a ‘player’ finally falls in love with them & doesn’t want to go with other girls anymore… Personally, I’d rather blame the commercial industries capitalising on independent woman figures & marketing them in a way that makes women value material objects & happiness loneliness by manufacturing music like ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper or the whole Beyonce thing. 
Brainwashing seems to have numbed romance, but it should be strong enough to pull through.

A Mundane Rant About Women.

The love game to many women works like the concept of marketing. A product [or fella] is judged on the basis of how popular it already is, or will become more popular if it has already been owned by somebody with more social status. This may be the reason there is such an abundance of girls appearing stupid by dating men who have already let down numerous amounts of other girls.

I’ve read other explanations for the same issues such as the excitement of the chase and the need for the feel of achievement when a ‘player’ finally falls in love with them & doesn’t want to go with other girls anymore… Personally, I’d rather blame the commercial industries capitalising on independent woman figures & marketing them in a way that makes women value material objects & happiness loneliness by manufacturing music like ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper or the whole Beyonce thing. 

Brainwashing seems to have numbed romance, but it should be strong enough to pull through.