[Possibly To Be Edited - First Draft]
I just think it’s a dangerous game doing things because everybody else is doing it, or because somebody has told you to do it, or because you feel you ‘have’ to do it, or because it tries to promote a feeling of guilt if you don’t do it, etc. etc.
Let’s not mention the amount of clean water being wasted that is probably at such a shocking rate now half of Africa could be happy for a month.
I’m not doubting it’s fun, I’m not slating the people who have done it because it’s fun. What’s shocking is the amount of people who feel the need to do it because they don’t know how to have fun without being given step-by-step instructions, who crave an awakening of their central nervous system but don’t realise it’s actually about getting off your arse and doing something rather than pouring cold water over yourself, or people who only give to charity when it’s rewarded with a ‘fun treat’.
I’m not going to lie, I rarely give to charities, I don’t trust them. In fact, I’m generally a pretty stingy, eye-turning person all round. But deep down I know I have a conscience and also a very strong sense of humility, righteousness and courage to help those in need when presented. We all just hope we have the decency, resources & bottle to help those in need, I think donating money is a bit of a cop-out to truly help when you can (I don’t mean giving money to places abroad etc as such or to charities that fund research - I’m more saying people will look at it as a fulfilled itch; “Oh I should have helped that man… Damn. Well, I don’t need to feel too bad, I did give money to charity earlier, I’ve done my deed for the day”)
Just to summarise, my dig is not so much at the cause, marketing scheme or charity here; more at a lot of the weak characters that have succumbed to partaking in them.
The thing is about this post is these issues are things nobody gives a fuck about, especially as an artist. No real artist wrote this, only an amateur. Going on stage and performing is a joke, it’s just another drunk (or drugged) laugh that you can enjoy regardless of the outcome. Every artist has much bigger problems, either externally or internally, than stage fright, stage fright is for people who lack experience in fear, sadness & value for expression of emotions. All things no true artist lacks.
The ‘mainstream’ is only governed by those who choose to watch. The fact that things considered higher-conscious thinking is not mainstream is not because it’s not widely available, it’s free to watch or read free of charge on ridiculously easy to use platforms, in an array of different methods of learning.
A lot of people choose not to grow, they’re scared and limited by their fears. Some people just don’t have what it takes. I don’t know whether that’s unfortunate or not, I can only imagine a world where all people are equal in both status, strength and intelligence. Is it really possible to have a tribe/pack/pride/civilisation full of alpha’s, or are beta’s/omega’s equally important to the balance of existence?
The way I feel it. If I reach the level of success I aim to. People will ask me how I got there. I’ll give them the sources I used to reach that point, I’m tell them the quote “do not following in the footsteps of the wise, seek what they sought”, I’ll tell them actions speak louder than words. But the problem is; only 10% will listen to what I recommend, only 10% of that 10% will act upon what they learn. This is why humanity will not evolve quickly. The Romans should have dominated the world when they had the chance, all I’m saying.
For a good couple of years now I have been experimenting with changes in my diet (through cutting certain foods as well as trying to eat more of things) to:
- improve vitality and energy
- improve overall health
- reduce risk of cancer and other disease
- promote a healthy digestive system
- properly nourish the body to aid my training exercises
One of the key battles I had was with grain intake. I have read in countless articles and literature, as well as taken advice from many friends who train that grain intake was bad - it turns into sugar in the body, causes water retention, puts on weight, damages the lining of the gut, is toxic, isn’t in line with human consumption because palaeolithic man didn’t eat it and many other negative aspects of grain consumption. I bought into this quite a bit and even went on a full gluten-free diet for a period of time. The main spur of this was because I was experiencing a lot of bloating and stomach cramps at the time and backing off gluten seemed to help, for a while.
Once the gut discomforts cleared up a bit I started experimenting with eating different grains again to see which of them were causing me an issue and which weren’t. Naturally when I found lager wasn’t causing too much of an issue (except being a key habit of mine which prevents me from losing my abdominal fat), I started drinking that again. Other than that I kept off all pastas & breads and used rice as my carb choice when I ate meals at times I needed carbs. I was trying to keep to a fruit/veg/meat rule as much as possible but didn’t limit myself to only those things as when I did I felt I was either not eating enough or was burning out a lot, probably because I needed the carbs as I was training.
After a few months of staying away from grains, another problem popped up. My stools were getting hard and the size of them reduced as well as the volume of a movement. I couldn’t work out what was causing this so I tried to up my intake of fruit and vegetables for the fibre and train more and I just couldn’t battle my gut to work the way I am comfortable with it working. This caused me stress which made the issue even worse.
Eventually, recently, I started adding an amount of bread daily back into my diet and my bowel habits have gone back to not far from what I consider normal. So rather than cause me issues, grains (and their ‘natural protection against humans’ causing them to be dispelled from our bodies) actually help me with my digestive movements.
Is it possible all these people who believe grains to be bad and our bodies not having time (evolutionarily) to process them, or that they secrete toxins which harm our bodies, are wrong? Ancient civilisations like the Greeks and Romans ate grains. People during the world wars ate grains and many of them have lived into their hundreds.
I am now coming to believe that life longevity is connected to a restriction of food. Eating little, but with sufficient nutritional value, is the key to living long.
Spent the entire evening redesigning my #visionboard AGAIN! Even more serious now, half 5 year plan, half 10! I’ve matured to know EXACTLY what I want that must mean I’m somewhere on my journey. Going to take some mad hard work to succeed in these aims but anything is achievable. Life is a gamble. Life is a game. Learning the rules, learning how to break them, learning how to exploit them. Need to get my reading on and my head down, but still get my head out there and enjoy socialising and focusing on self improvement in every way constantly. Got to be strong & healthy to truly succeed.
Now that I realise my mortality i know life is no more serious than the gamble of a bet. How much control do you really have over your longevity in this body?
Truth! I hit a stage of enlightenment when I realised that when I think too hard about shit it only narrows my ‘vision’ of the bigger picture. If I let it go over and over in my mind or if I try and figure out every little detail about something, or really strategise a way to plan something for the future, or if I have a worry or a target I’ve got to get sorted out I only throw myself deeper down a hole of internal dialogue. I lose sight of ’the now’, what’s happening right now around me, how serious the issue is right now. More importantly, you don’t realise what the ‘thinking’ is doing to your health right now. My cortisol levels sky rocket, my stomach ties in knots, I become weaker, I become less sharp-minded. Alternatively, now if I have something serious to think about, I don’t think, I do the opposite and meditate. Usually a simple one-phrase ‘answer’ presents itself to me, because I’ve not focused in on my thoughts and allowed myself to feel part of the bigger picture.
A dapper day making beats. Not been as productive as I’d have hoped but the lack of connection to the music only shows to me that I need to experiment and continue to experience even more (even after over 10 years) so that I can evolve as a music producer and really be a master who can evoke and express any emotion without notice. Production as a whole is an art, it’s more than just chucking a few sounds together so that it sounds like somebody else’s music. #nonames
Although last week I had a day off work, I still feel like I’m working too much. My time management is wrong & I’m starting to feel even more detached from my job, the elements of things I don’t like about it are really tilting the scales compared to those I do.
The job itself I don’t mind to be fair, it’s the amount of time it takes out of my life where I could be doing so much more, so many progressive things for my life, my only life!
I know this is how life is for the majority of people. You go to work, do your 8 hours of the day, bare your teeth through it, the rest of the time is yours. Fuck… That’s not enough time. I’ve got to train to look after my physical needs. I’ve got to make music to look after my need to fulfil my purpose & my creative needs. I’ve got to socialise to look after my emotional needs. I’ve got to meditate to look after my psychological needs. And they’re not even mentioning the various other skills I like to learn and sharpen, or gathering information to strengthen my knowledge & character.
Maybe I’m just bitter I’m not as successful as I wanted to be at this stage of my life. Caught in the game, doesn’t matter how much determination or how much I try I’m still only snail pacing closer to the life I want to be living.
I’ve been reading a lot of psychological, intense & contemplative literature recently. I hadn’t noticed but spending too much time focusing (not even on one specific thing) has slowly gnawed my mind into a form of overdrive. I watched my thoughts & realised I’m constantly thinking again. Not just obsessively over specific things (which has been present), but just whenever my mind has a chance to rest I’ve forced it to think about something. I managed to get over this with meditation and watching thoughts previously but have slipped badly into an ‘overdrive’ state.
You don’t notice that things as simple as letting your brain run without being aware of it can push you into a state approaching stress.
I will again start to simplify, relax and exist. These are the cycles, they can’t always be peak.
My plan for now is to read some more fiction, to give my brain a break from the literal and academic. I’m going to start meditating for a short period again every evening and start giving myself at least an evening a week dedicated just to music.
I also need to start finding a sanctuary. Somewhere I can be on my own, be healthy, make music, practice meditation & train.
He’s saying, in a very aggressive way, that he pictures himself as a renaissance man, a libertine who sees all things as art and not them as separate entities. He’s pissed off with corporations separating products into separate industries and the limitations that puts on creative individuals. He’s saying even as a successful entrepreneur there’s still heavy limitations on the heights you can rise because there’s always the true big corporate sharks who will make sure you can never reach a point where their power is compromised. The economic systems work through classes & if those classes are able to be shifted through work-ethic then the systemic powers lose their power. The movie ‘In Time’ has an interesting, understandable way of explaining this actually.
Being lazy is following habits. Being lazy is not overcoming the voice inside that tells you that there is another time other than right now. Being lazy is not becoming the character you wish to become because it’s more comfortable to ignore your calling. Being lazy is being given things to learn about and start experiencing because you’ve been blessed with an opportunity to change path but you choose to ignore it because you make excuses.
If you’re lazy then you’re still a friend to me. I’ve tried my best to encourage you not to be but that’s just the way you are. If you don’t understand how to override your psyche to become more than you currently are and evolve your consciousness then you are no less a person than me, then as long as you’re happy that is all that matters.
Are you happy right now?
Because we’re constantly feeding our mind information and stimulus, the mind is becoming accustomed to being constantly stimulated by something, so when it comes time to step away from stimulus and enjoy the environment we’re in, or even sleep, we can’t because we’re buzzing and clucking for more things to keep our mind occupied.
So many of us listen to our minds 24/7 because we believe our mind to be all of us, we believe it will look out for us and we believe that it will never steer us wrong or into trouble. This is wrong. Our mind is our cruise control, it keeps us plodding along in our comfort zones and without conscious effort it will never stroll out of that. The problem is, the mind is not our engine, it is not our steering wheel. It is just a selection of conditioned thoughts, paradigms and habits created over time. We need to be the steering wheel and direct the entire unit itself to our destination, not allow the cruise control to drive us into a brick wall.
We don’t need an overload of information to be happy or progress. It’s essential to wind down from stimulus daily to remind ourselves of this. We never really lose or gain anything by meditating, it’s just a state of being nothing but ourselves in the present moment for a selected amount of time. It’s amazing how clear this period of time can make you feel and how it can direct you into a more productive path.
Do you ever get insomnia where you close your eyes and your mind just wants to be fed more? You crave information or something to keep you awake. You’re charged. Your eyes move rapidly, you think about everything and your ears are ultra sensitive. Decharge by meditating. Spend 10 to 20 minutes focusing on nothing other than your breathing or a centre point then gently move your attention to unconsciousness. Sit in an upright grounded position and let your nerves desensitise so you become a separate entity from your body. Tell your mind there is no further need for input today and that it’s time to digest. You will go through various states: buzzing, restless, in-tune, calm, mindful, focused, visual. - All in no order and no set amount of times, but it’s still meditation. It all works!
I think that a trait of mine which can equally be considered a flaw as well as a positive is the paradox of wanting to be the best I can be (which is a limitless pursuit). This is a paradox because you positively try to push for better things but in doing so it’s extremely difficult to maintain appreciation for who you are now, you’re equally weakening your self-belief & groundedness because you never feel satisfied with yourself chasing an endless pursuit.
Here is where I’ve found meditation helpful. It reconnects me with my grounded being and provides the clarity for me to hone in on the positive aspects naturally in everyday state. It prevents me from burning out and allows me the time needed away from the underlaying debris of thought in my subconscious. It’s crazy, when I meditate regularly; even my dreams change. (But that’s for another blog.)
I once told a councillor (training me in motivational interviewing) during role-play that the main reason I found it hard not to drink was because it helped me with inspiration in my creative endeavours. I said this in complete fantasy as I’ve never considered myself dependant on alcohol (especially for making music).
Earlier this evening I really wanted to make a track. Now, I’m not one to get writers block anymore because when it arises when I have the rare time to make music I just battle through it & if the result turns out poor then it’s not the end of the world; I can abandon it and come back to it at a later date to reassess.
Only lately I have not been biding my time to get into making music. It’s something I love doing, it’s something I’ve always associated my personality with being connected to, but lately for the first time ever in my life I have been second-guessing it.
Frankly, I’m annoyed that I’ve not reached the levels of success I’ve wanted to be at at this stage in my life. I’m sad that I’m not getting the attention I was a couple of years ago although my technical skill and heart in the music has gotten so much better. I am starting to feel like I’ve failed at succeeding making my art my vocation.
Because I’m training (in Karate) nearly every day weekly, trying to find time for my social life and have to allow time for my mind to rest I don’t really allow time for music anymore. It’s one of my key purposes in life and priorities but because I’m not finding this time I feel like I should be closing the doors on it; which would kill a part of me inside - a huge part. I am an artist.
It’s definitely not all a downer musically, some great things are happening with my music life lately I just let the logical, ‘right now’ & monetary areas of my mind attack and numb my creativity.
But then I had a glass of wine for the first time since last Saturday. It’s almost exactly like when you’ve not had sex or masturbated for a period of time and you come back to it and everything feels (or tastes) amazing and you unleash a major pent up energy.
I could almost instantly feel the creative buzz flowing through me, there was no second thoughts about starting a new project it just had to be done.
My subconscious spoke to my councillor. Why does it take alcohol for me to become what my soul beckons I do?