1. Keep focus on training karate. At least twice a week but more whenever possible.
[2014 Update: Was training 4 days a week for the start of 2014 now seemingly down to 3 days again because Mark has pulled out of Friday’s. When driving I can train another day with Gerry as he offered hopefully to get it back up to 4.]
2. Get back in the gym in the mornings. Compound weight exercises & jogging.
[2014 Update: Not going to the gym much at all lately. Will do on Friday evenings from now on - will go to 24 hour gym next month to sign up.]
3. Get on a healthy diet. Something big for breakfast (eggs or porridge), clean snacking - only eat out once a week.
[2014 Update: Diet isn’t as clean as I was thinking back then and big breakfast isn’t any longer something I feel important, I go for a few carbs in the morning with lemon water & supplements to tie me over until a mid-morning snack with some protein. Trying to cut down on unhealthy snacks - have seeds on desk.]
4. Only drink once a week. No more lunchtime pints.
[2014: No longer having lunchtime pints but have been hitting the drink hard lately. I’m more worried about my weekend binges and the person I’m becoming with them though so at the moment so my focus is to stop heavy drinking at the weekend, starting with a couple of weeks off drinking currently. My big enemy is shots. They needs to stop. Remember the reason for going out is to work the game, not get drunk & try to fight everybody.]
5. Get driving lessons completed & get on road.
[2014: Still battling this one hard. Test April 10th. Really trying to get my head into it and get it right now.]
6. Look for a 9-5 in the music business domain.
[Applied for a Chichester job, the first opening I’ve seen locally, but no reply. Can work harder on this once driving.]
7. Stop smoking altogether, always feel guilty it’s going to effect my training & that’s the most important thing.
[I do not smoke at all now. I’ve never been a cigarette smoker but had the occasional cigar or sometimes some weed if I was really drunk in 2012 & 2013. I now do not touch either but have been tempted to when really drunk, another reason I know I’m not being myself when I’ve had too much to drink.]
8. Spend more time making music.
[Still really need to do this. Even one day a week would be an accomplishment now and that’s what I’m going to aim for.]
9. Get b-dem up to at least 2000 followers on facebook. Move to next, more radical business plans.
[Currently at just under 800. Will work on marketing and advertising over the next couple of months to really try to boost that up.]
The thing about this video… I have days like this once maybe twice a week, the other five, at the moment, I’m sitting on my arse in a call centre. Not to say that’s all I do. I train 5 days a week, I socialise, I watch football, I run BDEM & work on that as a business, I make music and market that as a business, I’m doing driving lessons, I read… All sorts of shit. I’m 24 years old, by the time I’m 30 this call centre shit has to stop. I have to be well on top of my game. I have to be running things. BDEM and the rest of it needs to be full time. I can do this shit and I work my arse off. Just need the click, the point where the universe decided to coincide and slot into my zone. It will happen.
Do #actors dream about their artificial romances? If so, does their subconscious believe it may have been more than just an act?
Feel like I’m making music on a whole different level this year. I’ve never had a problem with writing loops and allowing for melodic fluency from my vocalist partners or sample cutting in the past, and still don’t, but lately I’ve taken to writing constantly evolving melodies throughout whole tracks as I’m making them. I’m not going to lie it’s more of a ‘pop music songwriting’ take on making music but fucking hell it’s challenging to the brain and the projects I’ve started through doing it are taking a long time but I’m going to feel so proud when they’re done!
Got comfortable watching those purdy ladies skating. Hugged me in an enticing warmth like a hallucinogenic trip of classical music, pretty faces, bums & thighs.
I always get what Owen is saying when he talks about this “attractiveness/abundance” thing, but sometimes I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t coincide with the people who are in amazing relationships where it did happen ‘organically’ (without psychological analysis or technique) & they didn’t put themselves back into ‘abundance’ by spending sensual time with other people. This bit always stumps me, although I am mindful it’s a bit of a romanticised scenario my head is making up.
Sometimes my idea of the game is that sometimes the analysis is less needed than you think it is when you’re trying to make pickup artists’ advice seem logical. As I’m finding throughout my entire life lately, maybe thinking so logically all the time is more damaging than good. Being comfortable and self-amusing in all situations is about letting go of the inner dialogue, overthinking, planning and just being in the moment, being in the present. This is what Owen is saying but in a more scenario-based context. It’s about getting away from those ideas of what you want from women, what your mind tells you this woman is, or how much you’ve connected with this woman. It’s more about being mindful of not letting your mind spiral off into romanticisations & fantasies so that you can just let things be without getting too attached [to the outcome].
It’s another example where 'enjoy the journey, for the destination is an end' is applicable.
Over-analysis can be left to the pick up artists who want to teach others. A lot of the game is just experience & time, as is most of life. Enjoy time with women, don’t get too attached & when you’re experienced enough you’ll fall into the right relationship.
Should I let experiences harden my defences against emotions? I don’t know if I should try to disconnect from emotions in order to grow. So often we’re told that bottling up emotions or ignoring them is not the answer, but I’ve seen men fail and weaken and their paradigm and actions change as a result of their emotions.
As an example, I have a never-ending battle with the ‘romance’ in melancholia. I feel it is a key component to my artistic nature, I feel it is a key component to my sensual nature and my personality. I feel like without this sad side to romance it’s just not as heartfelt. I listen to a lot of melancholic, soulful music. I don’t ever want to change that, I’m a sucker for that shit.
But when I couple this ‘hopeless romantic’ fantasy with real life it can be quite damaging. Although it’s quite refreshing to feel sad sometimes, I don’t want to go through life having really passionate infatuations that always end & leave me lonely again so that I can make art about it. I want to eventually find my girl and settle down and be happy, drawing on only past experiences, the odd inevitable sad time & external views of other peoples experiences & feelings.
Sometimes we need to detach from our personality to go deeper into our personality. That sounds a bit like inception but what I’m trying to outline is that you’re always subconsciously aware of who you are and who you want to be, so conscious changes to live or think differently will not damage your core virtues or personality, you’re never really changing yourself; just disciplining your weaknesses more & changing bad habits as you learn they’re damaging to you. Being emotionally vulnerable is not something I generally am (although I have my times being so, which as I said is all down to my passionate nature & longing for romance), so I am going to learn to not let it dictate my actions & feelings outside of controlled environments. I want to start channelling my more vulnerable energy into something I’d only let express itself pissed up listening to loud music, locked away in the studio, or occasionally with a girl I could trust. I don’t want to be sharing loose emotions where I’ve headfucked myself in weak moments and I’m not being myself. I know I’m a strong person & if I want to be strong for a girl as well as myself then I need to be more in control of how my emotions dictate my actions. A girl already has a pussy, she doesn’t need two.
Essentially I’m working towards being a more passionate man, less emotional.
As a slight counter-argument, part of me believes it’s moments of weakness that makes you battle to be stronger because without that weakness you’d have no desire to heal and get stronger. That weakness may be looked at as your driving force, what gives you strength, what gives you purpose. It’s balance again.
This is only a reflection of thoughts, not a conviction to myself that “I’m not going to let myself feel any emotion any longer, I need to be strong & cold.” It’s just different ways of looking at how sometimes I’ve been out of character due to emotional clouding of my thought process & how I can think about staying true to myself in such circumstances.
I recently had a conversation with a female friend about finding a ‘sticking partner’(I know, it’s like asking a fish about fishing!). We were discussing how younger girls are ‘less mature’ and after a time period of messing around with ‘bad guys’ they eventually seek out a more secure partner. But she also made a point to say that age gaps are relevant because once that girl has found that ‘settled down’ mindset, a slightly older guy might be more ideal for her.
This made me contemplate some of the things I’ve learnt about maturity. I think maturity is an overrated concept. It’s just people knowing more about themselves as time goes on, experience and wisdom coupled with a suppression set on people by society. As you reach your mid-twenties your prefrontal cortex (logical brain) becomes more active, whilst your limbic system (emotional driven brain) takes a back seat. This is why a lot of 27 year old rock stars lose faith and have breakdowns and kill themselves, because they become ‘too mature’, lose their immediate sense of creativity and appreciation for external beauty. When you reach this sort of age you have to start practicing being more emotional and detached from your mind, you have to work up to having fun & getting excited - it’s not quite so easy to be in 'that zone' straight away. I think this is especially true for men, because being stuck in your head and boring is not attractive to women, women being a key element to one of the primary needs for most men.
I also read sometime that girls age quicker and feel more inclined to settle before they feel ‘expired’ and their beauty starts to decline. Men have less of a problem with this, we don’t have set expiry dates, we can keep going as long as we can keep a stiffy!
So, later in life if single, I could be enjoying a flux of girls getting scared they’re going to lose out before they start aging and because I look younger than I am but would have the experience and 'maturity' of somebody older, I could be onto a winner.
Do we think this track is actually her not feeling confident she’s going to commit to her infatuation (or who’s infatuated with her), or do we think the song is a bit ironic and she has actually fallen for this guy and doesn’t want to let herself commit incase of the consequences (a la 10cc - I’m Not In Love)?
Need to get out of the internet. The internet is like Big Brother slowly numbing our brains into humans that don’t rely upon themselves to think and live. We’re becoming minds and people much easier to control. We’re having our OWNLIFE taken away to waste it away thinking we’re learning and becoming higher beings, when really away from the screens we’re losing our memories, our sight, our bodies, our health.
It’s a digital age of souls being numbed & sedated because we’re becoming more separated from nature & humanity. Which is why we walk around in a daze, ignoring any wrong going on in the world; it just doesn’t feel real enough to intervene. - Our morals and heroism is sucked out of us.
Our bodies are degenerating whilst we sit all day, too lazy even to grow/gather/cook real food. We’re getting fat and our spines are twisted up into duck butt, forward shouldered useless mongs. How are we going to protect ourselves physically? It was only 100 or so years ago that we were ALL physically fit. Now we’re becoming shaped like human chairs.
Our emotions are being forced to attempt to express through 140 character on a keyboard. We can’t cry, we can’t laugh in hilarity, we can’t scream and throw ourselves around to loosen all of the tension in our depressed bodies. Instead we bitch and moan whilst reserving the true reason why. Our characters are being weakened as our ability to express is squashed into singular pictures and tweets.
If you’re feeling fatigued, tense, like crying, like shouting, like smashing things up, like shaking your body out in a mad rage, like the entire world is pressed into your chest and everything within you is being tied up into a little ball somewhere in your body and all you can do is attempt to breathe, like you’re depressed. Then you need to EXPRESS all of that that you’re holding within you. Get away from this life of trying to live through a keyboard and remember that you’re only given so long in this world, don’t waste it in a pretend world compressed into a 19” monitor.
Often, my art is the result of trying to make love to multiple souls to spite the one soul that I want to show love back but doesn’t. The build up of hate, love & sexual energy I encounter in this acidic rampage has to find an abstract way to release & express this frustration. My art is the child of this expression.
A lot of the time people argue their 'truth' because they ‘know’ it to be fact/right/reality. But does believing it benefit them in their environment? Are they doing themselves damage by 'knowing' these truths and, if necessary, conflicting to defend these truths?
What’s wrong with something in-factual being 'reality' if it promotes a more enjoyable 'reality' for somebody to believe it? If you believe it, is it really a point that needs to be expressed and lectured to ensure that others understand it?
Consider that we’re blessed with one life and question whether pursuing to educate others (in a position to educate themselves) is actually a worthwhile pursuit? Should there be (natural but albeit rare cases of) an apocalypse to multiple civilisations did your knowledge really help those that you taught? But to focus on your life and not others is a life that is not wasted! If these species is to survive it will do without knowledge.
In my opinion the only thing worth teaching is encouragement for people to live a life which will benefit themselves without intention to cause harm to others. For this is how we all intend to live, masked with the various structural ideologies we persuade ourselves are beneficial for all. - If all of these ideologies are kept personal and considered advancements for yourself then they are excellent, when tried to be applied to a group of people they lose their strength.
My argument heres is that maybe people should look inside more and focus on how these things they feel they believe effect their decisions and limitations in life rather than considering them reality and projecting them to others.
The silliness of death is a reality. If that’s the case then you should live freely and let no fact deter you from the necessity to allow fluidity, change, chaos, contradiction and conflict to take place. These are what life itself represent and to try and categorise these extremes and questions is a repression!
Fact is, some people use ideologies to benefit their realities, others let them DICTATE them!
I’m majorly inspired at the moment, even to the point that I’m not worried that I’m not spending as much time in the studio as I like. It’s so strong I’m confident as soon as I get in the chair shit just flows. My head has been in a bit of a spin lately, but it’s spun a yarn of artistic subconscious psychedelia that’s just flooding out like my soul is bleeding a spunk of expressive life. Feel like a true artist at the moment.
Some lyric/poetry is not to be taken at face-value & that’s where the character of the artist comes through. It’s like the heart speaking without the brain interfering & trying to translate it into something logical. Instead, sometimes, the raw and organic feeling is allowed to express itself freely. This is why some in lyrics you can’t understand the metaphorical message the artist is giving, but somehow you’re attracted to it anyway like your soul secretly understands it but your mind just can’t work it out yet.