There’s an element inside me, which seems ever-growing, which knows how much bigger the world is than the office job that I’ve come to cage myself into.
The fear of losing the work is fading and the longing for spending more time outside is blooming.
I need to be creative in more volume again.
I need more time to train.
One of these days.
The saying itself is one that I’ve heard often throughout my life but I’ve always taken it for granted imagining young teenagers hanging around with the local thugs taking drugs & smashing up phoneboxes. But it’s in everyday civilised life that it’s proving true to me. To put this in perspective, I often read successful people saying that you’re only as successful as the people you associate with. I’ve stupidly ignored this advice by involving myself in jobs ‘that I’m only doing to pay the bills’.
These jobs are ones which are static & lead to no progression in the company and the products are beneficial to nobody except the profit-making owner. The people these jobs attract are often rude & self-centred and don’t hold the morals I do. You get the occasional person come through who are nice, but they never stick around, whereas for some reason (I’d like to say loyalty but it’s more likely laziness or fear of not having a job) I do.
Associating with the types of people who work in this place has effected me by making me lower my general standards & change my mindset to a negative one… I’m slowly becoming these people I spend the majority of my day with. Until now I have never thought of it from this standpoint, I’ve thought it’s just been me being indisciplined & turning into an arsehole as a fault of my own the whole time, but now I’ve noticed my whole paradigm may have been shifting to fit the jigsaw pieces of my colleagues.
I’ve noticed that when I’m with more ‘classy’ people, I turn back into the polite, confident & generally happier person I want to be.
Having realised these things I have decided upon a plan to overcome this & be happier again as myself:
My priority is now to find a new job. I have already begun this search & have updated my cv & obtained advice to try & make it as appealing as possible to employers.
I am no longer going to go out drinking locally. I rarely go home without getting in trouble of some kind, I will save money that will instead be used for more important things such as driving lessons & martial arts classes.
I will try & remain positive in my current workplace until I get out of there & if that’s really not possible I will hand my notice in next week regardless.